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As with any marriage, there is miscommunication. Hurt and conflict naturally follow. It is hard to understand if verse 2 is describing a dream or a real situation. On one hand, it begins by stating, “I was asleep but my heart was awake.” Many translations have taken this and changed the phrase to a dream. On the other hand, it could have been a situation where she was in the early stages of sleep and heard the man knocking which caused her to wake.
In her own words, she had already washed, removed her robe, and gotten into bed. She simply didn’t want to get out again. If she had just woken from sleep, she may have been groggy. All that said, it would seem like a natural response to alert him that she heard his knocking and would be opening the door soon. But the text does not indicate she spoke at all. She waited. And after she finally decided to get up and answer the door, he had gone.
Situations like this happen all the time in a marriage. From her perspective, his appearance was inconvenient. She was already comfortably in bed. If challenged, she most likely would have defended her actions with this reasoning. From his perspective, she ignored him. She refused to answer the door even with his best efforts to get her attention. And here is where the critical moment occurs. It’s the difference between fighting and forgiveness.
I know many marriages where the woman would apologize for her selfishness and the man would follow suit by apologizing for storming away. I also know many marriages where the woman would accuse the man of ruining her entire night, and the man would accuse her of being selfish. As the rest of the story plays out, we can assume that the woman had some regrets. She leaves to find her lover and is mistreated (literally physically assaulted) by the watchmen. She enlists the women of Jerusalem for help in finding him and goes on to describe how wonderful he is.
I do think we can interpret this story more figuratively. After all, it’s a poem and quite possibly a dream. The situations are a little bizarre, but they teach a lesson. Though small, one selfish decision can destroy a relationship. It can have extended consequences that continue beyond the actual decision. We know that this woman adored her lover, but we also know she did not treat him how she should have. Many of us are in this same boat. For me, this story is a reminder that every moment is precious. Every decision carries with it ramifications and we must never forget that.