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David’s go-to plan of action always centered around waiting on the Lord. I’m speculating, but it’s possible this was the state of mind that was natural to him. In other words, he was more likely to wait for the right time to do something rather than burst forward impatiently. Like anything, this kind of attitude is beneficial when used properly, but detrimental in certain circumstances.
Just like David stepped back and waited after his daughter was raped by his son Amnon, he steps back once again when Absalom murders Amnon. We read of no response by David after either of these instances. In fact, we only read feelings. David was furious his daughter was raped but he did nothing. He grieves that his son Absalom murdered his other son Amnon, but he again does nothing. Now, in 2 Samuel 14, he is grieving the loss of Absalom and still doing absolutely nothing to reconcile the situation!
Feelings are not enough. We can feel convicted, yet do nothing about it. Sometimes because we feel something, we think that is good enough for God, but His desire is that we put our convictions into practice. David was a brilliant military commander, but when it came to managing his family, he seems to step away from the responsibility to lead.
We read he is challenged by a wise woman who was attempting to ignite a passion for reconciliation with Absalom. Sent by Joab, the plan worked. It is likely Joab was thinking more from a strategic angle since an estranged son who has just murdered his half-brother is not someone you want to have as an enemy. The key phrase of this chapter is found in verse 14.
“We will certainly die and be like water poured out on the ground, which can’t be recovered. But God would not take away a life; He would devise plans so that the one banished from Him does not remain banished.”
2 Samuel 14:14 HCSB
Essentially, this woman is telling David to figure it out. God is not a God of grudges. It is not His nature to be estranged from His children. While we move away from Him, He is devising a plan to woo us back into His presence. Through this analogy, David understands that he must reach out to Absalom. Once David saw the plan of God made clear, he was all in.
Sometimes, like us, David just wanted to avoid conflict and conviction and step back. We must be diligent in seeking the Lord but we must also be ready to step into our responsibilities when the time is right.