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31 The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him:
What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb?
What are you doing, son of my vows?
Do not give your strength to women,
your ways to those who destroy kings.
It is not for kings, O Lemuel,
it is not for kings to drink wine,
or for rulers to take strong drink,
lest they drink and forget what has been decreed
and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.
Give strong drink to the one who is perishing,
and wine to those in bitter distress;
let them drink and forget their poverty
and remember their misery no more.
Open your mouth for the mute,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
defend the rights of the poor and needy.
An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
(ESV)
Proverbs 31 is a famous chapter describing a virtuous woman of God. Many of us have heard the phrase “Proverbs 31 woman.” As this chapter has become more popular within Christian circles, I have been encouraged and troubled by the effect it has had on women within the church. Let me explain.
In this chapter, we read a various range of topics such as faith, marriage, motherhood, serving, finances, health, time, duty, homemaking, and beauty. It truly is a complete picture of what a woman of God should strive to be in Him. But it also brings pause. What if you don’t know how to make your own bed sheets? (v. 22) Is a Godly woman really required to work into the night and rise before the sun? (v. 18)
Part of the disconnect exists within the cultural aspect of our society. An ancient wife had a different lifestyle than women of today. That’s not the main point I want to make, but keep it in mind as we explore.
This chapter is introduced by King Lemuel and he is relaying information that his mother had given to him. Consider the original context. This is motherly advice to a son. To me, it reads more like a direction than a destination. Should Christian women strive to exemplify these qualities? Sure! But just like the entire book of Proverbs, many of us will struggle to embody every specific characteristic of wisdom and knowledge. The question is whether or not our hearts are pursuing a path of wise living according to God. The details are helpful, but I do not believe they are exclusive.
It takes years of struggle, growth, and sacrifice to obtain even a few of these characteristics. As a young man looking for a wife, I’m sure King Lemuel did not begin his search with the most qualified women. Most likely, that would have required him to search among women much older than him who had grown into these roles. The advice from his mother led him to evaluate his future wife by her heart posture and potential.
I could go on, but let’s get to the point. A Proverbs 31 woman desires to fulfill her God-given purposes. She is sensitive to the Spirit and self-sacrificing. Her life is heading in the direction of Christ even if she does not fit the exact mold described in this chapter. In fact, Proverbs 31 can’t describe a “do-it-all wife” because, in reality, she would have had servants helping her.
To break this all down: A Proverbs 31 woman has her priorities straight! The specifics are not as important as the framework. Mrs. 31 is a picture of wisdom because she does what she ought to do and she does it with diligence and excellence.
It’s difficult and somewhat overwhelming to look at this chapter as a whole. It’s natural to put ourselves somewhere on the map as to where we stand in each of these categories. However, this chapter is less about measuring and more about motivation. It’s not about perfection but about purpose. What is your driving force and what is fulfilling your life? What are you pursuing? Where are your priorities?
Women, do not let Proverbs 31 discourage you. God has created each of you uniquely with a diverse set of gifts. This chapter should be a motivating and encouraging text for any woman seeking to live a Godly life!