As I read this chapter, I see a theme of relational conflict.
“Better a dry crust with peace than a house full of feasting with strife.”
Proverbs 17:1 HCSB
“Whoever conceals an offense promotes love, but whoever gossips about it separates friends.”
Proverbs 17:9 HCSB
“To start a conflict is to release a flood; stop the dispute before it breaks out.”
Proverbs 17:14 HCSB
“The intelligent person restrains his words, and one who keeps a cool head is a man of understanding.”
Proverbs 17:27 HCSB
Relationships probably don’t mean much if they aren’t messy. Just take marriage, for instance. Some of my most passionate quarrels have taken place with my spouse. Part of this is inevitable. As we do life together, and get to know each other on a deeper level, we experience the extreme nature of our personalities. The Spirit’s working becomes more evident as do the fleshly impulses. There is an aspect to this, however, that troubles me.
For those of us with the Holy Spirit, we have little to no excuses when it comes to settling disagreements. Especially with other believers!
I can remember having a disagreement with another believer over a misunderstanding that occurred minutes before our service began. This person had jumped to a conclusion that wasn’t true, and I was trying to calmly explain the reality of the situation. This individual repeatedly demanded an apology over the misunderstanding, threatening to leave the church.
I once again circled back to the facts and invited this person to come back in and talk about this after taking some time to cool off. I stressed the reality that both of us are believers, so there is no reason we can’t sit down, hear each other out, and come to some kind of agreement – even if that means respectfully agreeing to disagree. Unfortunately, my words were not heard. This individual stormed out and never came back. The worst part about this story is that this person wasn’t even in the room when the so-called “incident” took place.
The hasty choice to leave our church was an emotional decision based on details that were misconstrued. My attempt to set the record straight and have a civil, respectable conversation fell on deaf ears.
Jesus didn’t run from conflict. In fact, He thrust Himself into the middle of humanity’s struggles continually. His tone and message were dependent on the heart of the person he was addressing. Proverbs gives us the end result if we rush into disagreements using our flesh. It’s like a water faucet that’s not easily shut off. It’s a foolish onslaught of destruction that is lacking knowledge.
Can I separate my feelings and listen to the message? Am I able to accept rebuke from another believer? Am I willing to put effort into the relationship or do I cut and run the moment something doesn’t go my way? These are all tough questions but just consider the posture of the heart. The fool goes into a conflict with zero intention of learning or listening. A perceptive person accepts correction.
“A rebuke cuts into a perceptive person more than a hundred lashes into a fool.”
Proverbs 17:10 HCSB
God graciously grant us the patience to hear your Spirit within our messy relationships!