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Matthew 18 Commentary
by Brad Boyles
How do you approach confrontation and accountability in the church? The worldview of Jesus was not simply focused on “winning your brother” for the sake of a good deed, but because each person has value. Jesus begins talking about how valuable children are in the kingdom of God. Children have very little achievements or accomplishments. Their knowledge is underdeveloped, but their innocence is prevalent. I don’t mean innocence in the sense that they do not sin, but rather, that they live simple lives. Faith comes naturally to children because there are so many tasks they cannot accomplish on their own. Ask Hank as outlined, children are trusting.
After establishing that point, Jesus goes on to teach that every single one of His children are precious. This is a huge point, because when we move into accountability, it becomes the backdrop for understanding the ‘why’ behind reconciliation. Notice the great lengths prescribed for believers in order to win back their brother or sister.
They go alone. They go with 2 or 3. They go with the church and their leaders.
Herein lies a glaring problem I see in Christian circles today. We don’t do it. Many Christians simply refuse to follow the words of Christ.
And I wonder if maybe it’s because we don’t understand their personal value. We don’t do it because we don’t see other believers as God’s children. We don’t do it because they are wrong and we are right so why waste our time?
We tell ourselves it’s difficult and awkward. I think we don’t go because we don’t actually believe it will work out the way we want it to. Like Jonah, we don’t want those who have wronged us to experience the grace of Jesus. We justify our lack of obedience. “They were in the wrong, so they should apologize.” We want to see God destroy them because that’s what bad people deserve. We forget that they are valuable to Jesus. We forget that the same love He extended to us He also extended to them.
Most times in accountability, there is tension and frustration. “How could that person do such-and-such?” Jesus would have us first ask, “Is this person valuable to God?” Of course, the answer is yes. Therefore, Jesus prescribes us to go individually, go with 2 or 3, and go with the church. Go with grace and truth. Go with love. Go with anticipation for restoration. Do we actually do this in our disagreements and accountability with others?
Unfortunately, I think this is an area of the church (and probably my own life honestly) where there is a severe lack of obedience. On the other hand, I’ve known situations where this model was followed with careful prayer and tenderness. In one instance, the person being confronted wanted nothing to do with it, and they walked away from the church. Even after multiple attempts to explain the situation and reconcile in love, this person refused to meet. It’s easy to look back and question – was that the right thing to do?
I fully believe that if you take this model to heart, God will be faithful one way or another. We cannot be held responsible when we genuinely follow Christ’s model and people walk away from it. We cannot fear confrontation. We also should not be seeking it out constantly. Grace and truth is always required in situations like this, and above all, our hearts should seek to understand a fellow believer’s value to Jesus Christ.