2 Samuel 13 (Listen)
Amnon and Tamar
13:1 Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. 2 And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. 3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man. 4 And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” 5 Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’” 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. And when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.”
7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go to your brother Amnon’s house and prepare food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, where he was lying down. And she took dough and kneaded it and made cakes in his sight and baked the cakes. 9 And she took the pan and emptied it out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Send out everyone from me.” So everyone went out from him. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. 11 But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” 12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate1 me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. 13 As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” 14 But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.
15 Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up! Go!” 16 But she said to him, “No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me.”2 But he would not listen to her. 17 He called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her.” 18 Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves,3 for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. 19 And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went.
20 And her brother Absalom said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? Now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this to heart.” So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom’s house. 21 When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.4 22 But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had violated his sister Tamar.
Absalom Murders Amnon
23 After two full years Absalom had sheepshearers at Baal-hazor, which is near Ephraim, and Absalom invited all the king’s sons. 24 And Absalom came to the king and said, “Behold, your servant has sheepshearers. Please let the king and his servants go with your servant.” 25 But the king said to Absalom, “No, my son, let us not all go, lest we be burdensome to you.” He pressed him, but he would not go but gave him his blessing. 26 Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us.” And the king said to him, “Why should he go with you?” 27 But Absalom pressed him until he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him. 28 Then Absalom commanded his servants, “Mark when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon,’ then kill him. Do not fear; have I not commanded you? Be courageous and be valiant.” 29 So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and each mounted his mule and fled.
30 While they were on the way, news came to David, “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons, and not one of them is left.” 31 Then the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the earth. And all his servants who were standing by tore their garments. 32 But Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, said, “Let not my lord suppose that they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons, for Amnon alone is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day he violated his sister Tamar. 33 Now therefore let not my lord the king so take it to heart as to suppose that all the king’s sons are dead, for Amnon alone is dead.”
Absalom Flees to Geshur
34 But Absalom fled. And the young man who kept the watch lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, many people were coming from the road behind him5 by the side of the mountain. 35 And Jonadab said to the king, “Behold, the king’s sons have come; as your servant said, so it has come about.” 36 And as soon as he had finished speaking, behold, the king’s sons came and lifted up their voice and wept. And the king also and all his servants wept very bitterly.
37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son day after day. 38 So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. 39 And the spirit of the king6 longed to go out7 to Absalom, because he was comforted about Amnon, since he was dead.
Footnotes
[1] 13:12
[2] 13:16
[3] 13:18
[4] 13:21
[5] 13:34
[6] 13:39
[7] 13:39
(ESV)
2 Samuel 13 Commentary
In 2 Samuel 13, Amnon (firstborn son of David) became obsessed with his half-sister Tamar, the sister of Absalom (third son of David) (2 Samuel 13:1). Though she was a virgin and off-limits, Amnon’s frustration grew until his cousin Jonadab (a cunning man) advised him to pretend to be sick so Tamar would care for him (2 Samuel 13:2–5). Amnon followed the plan, and when Tamar came to serve him, he forced her into his room and raped her, ignoring her pleas (2 Samuel 13:6–14).
Afterward, he despised her and had her thrown out (2 Samuel 13:15–17). Tamar mourned publicly, and her brother Absalom took her into his home. Though King David was furious, he did nothing. Absalom, however, harbored hatred toward Amnon in silence (2 Samuel 13:18–22).
2 years later, Absalom invited all the king’s sons to a sheep-shearing event and convinced David to allow Amnon to come (2 Samuel 13:23–27). There, Absalom ordered his men to kill Amnon once he was drunk, and they obeyed (2 Samuel 13:28–29). The rest of the king’s sons fled, and David initially believed all his sons were dead, but Jonadab clarified that only Amnon had been killed, as Absalom had planned since the assault on Tamar (2 Samuel 13:30–33). Absalom fled to Geshur and remained there for 3 years (2 Samuel 13:34–38). During that time, David mourned daily and eventually longed to be reconciled with Absalom after grieving Amnon’s death (2 Samuel 13:39).
Context
What a mess here in 2 Samuel 13! It’s hard to know where to begin. Let’s start with understanding the storyline.
- Amnon’s sin reflects David’s earlier failure (2 Samuel 11). This demonstrates how a father’s actions can influence a son. It is probable that Amnon knew the story of David and Bathsheba. Both men committed immoral acts in private with beautiful women, leading to grief and ultimately someone’s death.
- Amnon, David’s firstborn, became obsessed with Tamar. Though the text calls it “love,” this was not love, but lust. Tamar was Amnon’s half-sister but she was the full sister of Absalom.
- Tamar is presented as being of high moral character, honoring the Torah’s standards for purity (Deut 22:13–21).
- Amnon was counseled by his cousin Jonadab, who was described as “shrewd” or “wise,” though his wisdom was worldly and evil (Jas 3:15), not Godly.
- Jonadab’s plan involved deceit: Amnon would pretend to be ill and request that Tamar personally care for him, which would allow Amnon an opportunity to assault her.
“Tamar’s use of the phrase “should not be done” and of the term “wicked thing” (Hb. nĕbālâ; cf. 1 Sam 25:25, “folly”) are an unmistakable allusion to the Torah’s account of Shechem’s rape of Dinah (cf. Gen 34:7). This skillful reference to a sordid chapter in patriarchal history not only forced Amnon to put his mind—at least momentarily—back into the sacred Scriptures, but also to consider the end result of Shechem’s—and therefore, his own—actions.”
The New American Commentary
Amnon & Tamar
Amnon was obsessed. The thought of sinning consumed him. He seemingly had no relief from these lustful thoughts about his half-sister. But when he finally got what he wanted, we read that it only enraged him more.
The satisfaction he had hoped for turned out to be a mirage. But this shouldn’t surprise us. Sin always seems fulfilling but it never fails to disappoint. Amnon got what he wanted but he couldn’t stand to look at Tamar anymore because her presence was a reminder of the heinous act he had just committed so he orders her to leave. You would think she would want to leave at this point, but she begs him not to throw her out. Why?
“If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, and he sleeps with her, he must certainly pay the bridal price for her to be his wife. [17] If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must pay an amount in silver equal to the bridal price for virgins.”
Exodus 22:16-17 CSB
“The Torah dictated that a man who had sexual intercourse with a virgin not pledged to be married to another was obligated to marry her and pay a financial penalty (cf. Exod 22:16–17; Deut 22:28–29). However, when Amnon ordered Tamar to “get up and get out” of his house, his actions following the rape indicated he did not intend to follow the Torah in this matter.”
The New American Commentary
This is why Tamar is furious that she is being thrown out. Not only was she raped, she now must live with the reality that she will probably never get married!
David
Many people ask, “Why didn’t King David do something?” According to the Torah law (which guided David’s life) there was not much he could do. He was deeply angered by Amnon’s actions but the law in Deuteronomy only required Amnon to pay a fine and marry the woman he violated which he was not planning to do. If David would have forced Tamar to marry Amnon, the relationship would have been both morally and emotionally unacceptable (Lev 18:11; 20:17; Deut 27:22).
As a result, David appeared powerless. Does this mean that David should have done nothing?
“David became very angry, but he did not do anything. This sentence conveys how indecisive David was with regard to his sons, the source of much of the later problems. Heads of households have to deal justly among members of their household. After very angry, the LXX reads “but he would not punish his son Amnon, because he loved him, for he was his firstborn.”
New International Commentary – Old Testament
“That is why no doubt the reason why Solomon wrote so much about the importance of disciplining children. He saw in his own family the effect of the lack of discipline, because David was not a disciplinarian. Here he didn’t say a thing to Amnon. Another son that rebelled against him later on, it said that David never once said anything to displease that child. Now that doesn’t make a child love you! The child actually hated David and rebelled against him.”
Chuck Smith
Absalom
In contrast to his father, David, Absalom silently nursed his hatred for Amnon and positioning himself as a sort of avenger for Tamar while hiding his intentions and waiting for the right moment to act. He gave his sister a place to live as well as protection which was vital for a woman in Tamar’s position. In time, Absalom would scheme up a plan to avenge the rape of his sister. But this only added more dysfunction and drama to the royal family. Absalom went into hiding and David mourned both the loss of Amnon as well as the loss (temporarily) of Absalom.
The Consequences Of Sin
Sin never satisfies, and that is the moral of these stories. David’s sin caused a domino effect within his family and the consequences were devastating! This is a reminder to all of us that we have a responsibility to lead by example. There are many whose lives are affected by our decisions each and every day.
The Bible is showing us what is folly so that we might see what is wise. Unrepentant lust causes more sin. Murder does not solve sin. A lack of discipline only adds fuel to the fire. I pray that we would not just condemn these actions in Scripture, but that we would search our own hearts to repent and cut out the sin in our own lives!
So profound